At our home we try to keep a candle burning for him as a reminder. If not that, maybe I'll listen to The Cult, a band he and I used to rock and air-guitar to back when we were roommates in Pisgat Ze'ev -- a border town on the outskirts of Jerusalem. When I hear that almost haunting sound that only The Cult can create, the music is a time machine that brings back a lot of memories of Aaron, the good times we had, and his health and vitality long ago.
Because he was guarded about his personal life outside of his tight circle of friends, I will respect his memory by refraining from writing all of the things I would wish to share. Still, there are some crazy stories and wild times that I feel I have to share -- if not for their pure entertainment value. Things are what they are. In the two decades that I knew the guy, he never once allowed me to take a single photo of him. I am hoping that a mutual friend will send me the one picture there is.
I believe that Aaron wanted to leave this world without a sound, without a mark; without any trace evidence of him ever having been in this world. He was single, with no children and very few close friends. He would silently slip away for a time only to appear sometime later in another place.
Aaron was a thinker. He would ponder abstract and profound subjects, and had a real depth to him.
While like all of us, Aaron had many sides to his personality, he was a deeply religious person in his faith in God, and always held onto the belief that this world is just some sort of right-of-passage into a better place. Toward the end of his life, he revealed that he was looking forward to experiencing that better place.
Aaron had a difficult life that was marked by what seemed like an unending stream of trials and tribulations. He was big on character, with a magnetic personality, and the spirit of a warrior. Yet there was always a sadness and loneliness that I believe he held deep inside. I think the wounds from experiences growing up were deep and never healed. It seemed like he felt that he could not break the cycle of his lot in life, and was just along for the ride. That perspective may have contributed to the paths he chose, somehow contributing to his tragic death at the age of 41.
In my opinion as a friend, Aaron's difficulties in life imbued him with two contradictory qualities: Strength and weakness.
Warrior Spirit
Aaron was a fighter. He had a heart like a lion. Born in Canada, he was on his own at a very young age, and worked at a bar under the supervision of bouncers and bartenders, who were like his big brothers in a dysfunctional family. If I recall he was about 13 at the time. On his own in a place where drunken brawls among hockey-playing locals were part of the national past-time, he learned how to fight on the street, and his ability to suddenly turn it on within a split second was always amazing to me. He wasn't afraid of anyone, and was a very smart fighter. He always kept the perfect poker face, and never lost his cool in an adrenaline fog. I never saw anything quite like it, and found it a bit scary, but mesmerizing, as at that time, I lacked the self confidence to put it all on the line against all odds.
Aaron believed in the honor code, and always backing up a friend in trouble. He was that kind of guy. However, it went both ways. He expected you to be there for him even if you felt he was instigating the event. You were either with him or against him.
The Dichotomy
Now you may find it ironic that such a reflective and religious guy could also be a warrior. This dichotomy is what made him so interesting and complex. We all have our contradictions, especially when the going gets tough. That's just part of being human. He was genuine, and the bottom line is that he really did believe in those values and ideas that were at the core of his religious faith. So it wasn't the emperor wearing no clothes. And the fact is, King Solomon wrote that there is a time and place for everything, including war.
this man, Erik Paulson -- a famous martial artist and trainer
When I first met him, Aaron was 6'1", about 210-or-so pounds, broad-shouldered, with a full head of blond hair and blue-eyes. He held himself very confidently, and enjoyed weight training and exercise when he wasn't studying Talmud at the Meir Yeshiva. It bothers me that I don't have any photos of him.
Rock star
Aaron was good looking, and in Israel, blond hair and blue eyes are a sought-after exotic combo by women in a country where everyone has dark hair and dark eyes. The girls he would bring home to the apartment we shared would have my jaw bouncing off the floor. I just didn't understand how he did it. He was so non-nonchalant about the olive-skinned, dark-eyed girls he dated. Each one was like an Eva Longoria in her hay day. He was very strong on the inside, and could break up with them without being crushed the way some other guys are. That definitely made him even more attractive with the girls. Aaron was like a rock star with women.
Confident | Humble
There was no question about Aaron's self confidence. He knew what he was good at, and he also had an Achilles Heel that he addressed later in life, which was so nice to see. Despite his belief in himself, it was not narcissism or megalomania. If anything, he was God-centric, and did not view himself as better than others in a qualitative way. He simply acknowledged his strengths and weaknesses.
Independent | Loyal
While he didn't seem to respect "authority" dictated by secular society and would march to the beat of his own drum, he deeply respected the values and personalities of certain religious leaders in his faith. His loyalty and deference to them always made me respect him, because it showed that his aversion to authority only applied to what he considered "perceived" authority, and he would respect authority figures who embodied his own core beliefs. While he never aggrandized people beyond their human domain like so many others who define the line between religion and cult, Aaron simply respected and listened to his rabbinical authorities because he appreciated their wisdom and genuine dedication to their beliefs.
Intuitive
Aaron was an excellent judge of character. He was so often underestimated because of his poker face and appearance (very unassuming like a California surfer), but he was so street smart and privy to the motivations of people, that he would often tell me who to stay away from and I would listen to his intuition and advice. He was just tuned-in and was a great observer of human behavior.
